Fool Proof Plan
by schoolgirl-cheesesculpture
Summary: Mello thinks up a fool proof plan to make him finally better then Near


Fool Proof Plan

Today was a very special day. It was so special that Mello was actually thinking! "Thinking about what?" I suppose you're asking. Well, let's tune into his brain!

93...043...3

"Hmm... Then when I get $50 I can finally buy the Wii with all of the stuff..."

Wait, wrong frequency...

634...34563...7693

"So to find the tangent you have to divide the opposite side by the adjacent side..."

Woops, we want Mello's brain, not Near's...

457453...34596...92457...83567

Ah-ha! There we go...

"What to do... How in the world could I become better than Near... Maybe I should ask Matt... Who knows? Maybe he could actually come up with a plan..."

And that my friends, is where the true story starts...

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"Hey Matt, I need some help with something..." Mello walked over to the couch where Matt was playing one of his many video games.

"Something as in what to buy me for my birthday?" Matt asked, continuing with his game.

"No, I..." Mello started, before Matt interrupted

"Or something as in what to make me for lunch?"

Mello sighed, "No... I need help with..." once more Matt interrupted him

"Or do you mean something as in..."

"Just shut up and let me finish!" Mello snapped out.

"Jeez Mello, no need to get violent..." Matt smiled while furiously mashing the buttons on his Gameboy.

"Idiot..." Mello said under his breath so the Matt wouldn't hear him.

"What?" he paused his game to look up at Mello.

"Nothing...Anyways, what I was trying to say was that I need help figuring out a plan so that I can finally beat Near."

"But you won't... See, it says so in my trusty 'Guide that makes it look like you know everything'"

Mello laughed, "But do you really think it's true? Of course I will beat Near... I just don't know how yet..."

Matt restarted his game and said "What if you learn Near's real name, and then in a couple of years when you get a Death Note you write his name into it and get rid of him for good!"

"Nah... Sounds too complicated. Plus there isn't such thing as a Death Note anyways." Mello stated as he reclined onto the couch.

Matt raised an eyebrow and replied sarcastically, "Oh really... Then why is the story we are in called Death Note?"

"Because it's cool and they were too lazy to think of a better name." The leather of his pants squeaked against the faux leather of the couch as he shifted to be more comfortable.

"So how do you explain Kira?"

"That's not what we are trying to think about... We are trying to think of a plan to make me much better then Near."

Matt laughed to himself as he lit up a cigarette. He let out the smoke in the direction of Mello, earning himself a glare from the teen. "So what are you going to do?"

Mello let out a sigh, "That's why I'm asking you for help."

"Hmm... let's think..."

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"What if we went to an African savannah with Near, kill a whole bunch of random animals and when we are done cutting it up we can send it to all the starving Africans with Near in it so he will have to live there till he dies!" As Mello finished, he let out a cough because of the vile smoke that was being emitted from Matt's cancer stick.

"Nah, too much postage..."

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"What if we..." Matt started to say.

"No." Mello had his eyes closed, reclining in the hard leather of the sofa.

"But I didn't even say anything!"

"But if what you were going to say had anything to do about a forklift, cross dressing or secret handshakes I don't want to hear it."

"Fine..." he sulked

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"What if I dressed up as L and then tell Near that no one likes him and that Mello is going to be the next L?"

Matt's eyebrows jumped up to his hairline and gave a short laugh, "Uh Mello, if you haven't noticed before... You have blond hair... Not black..."

"So?" Mello looked fiercely at him.

"One, he would know that it was you right away and two, even if you dyed you hair black they would still know it was you... It's just too obvious."

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"What if the Mafia use Near as a target practise?" Matt questioned.

"Then everyone will suspect me." He rolled his eyes.

"Everyone is going to suspect you anyways..."

"But with that lazy excuse for a plan then everyone with half a brain will suspect me... So no."

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"Hey!!!" Mello jumped up quickly, making Matt jump.

"What?" He said getting back onto the couch after he jumped off from freaking out.

"I have the perfect plan! It's fool proof!!"

"What is it?!?!?!?" Matt had paused his game to pay all his attention to the narcissistic blonde.

"The logic cannot be denied!!" Mello's eyes were glowing.

"Tell me what it is?!?!?"

"You know the alphabet right?"

"Uh yah... I'm not stupid..." Matt looked slightly hurt as he sat back down on the couch.

"Well then you know that M always comes before N! Therefore making me come before Near!" Mello smirked.

"Right Mello... I still say we should stick with the Death Note..."


End file.
